July 28th, 2010

First day at Uni...

So today as my first day at Uni.

Scary. Strange. Exciting.

I feel so much more in control than the first time around when I was a mere fledgling straight out of high school. The fears are still there, but I am managing them. I won't let them manage me this time.

If I don't make friends - who cares, I am here to get that commerce degree...

If I can't figure out the library, on-line stuff (and its all on-line now) and how to get the laptop to log onto the wireless network - I won't sit in silence, I will ask...

If I don't understand the lesson - I won't make myself feel stupid, I will ask for help...

I guess this time around, I don't care if others think I am weird or strange or lacking in intelligence. Because I know that I am all of those things and then some and perhaps less.

I am not going to worry about fitting in and not standing out. Its been a long road but I am starting to feel comfortable in my own skin and I may not love myself yet but there are days when I look in the mirror and think, she ain't half bad and I can smile at my reflection.

But this, my first post in many many years, was mostly to myself. I know others will read it perhaps and wonder who I am, was - will they remember me? But this is for me.

I had my first day and the world didn't end.
I made a friend and had someone to sit next to in my first lecture and the world didn't end.
I had no-one to sit next to in my second lecture, so I sat by myself and the world didn't end.
I put up my hand and asked a question, in front of 150 other students and the world didn't end.
I tried to log onto the GU wireless network and I failed, and the world didn't end.

The world didn't end...

It could have, if I let it. And I didn't.

The sun is peaking out from behind the storm clouds of my mind.

It's going to be ok.

I will survive this. In fact, I will conquer this.

Brave words.

Only time will tell.

Hugs to all.

Koula
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